Ten Things to do WHILST watching the Oscars

The 81st Annual Academy Awards have come and gone…and since the ceremony seemed to move like a slow and agonizing death – akin to a death by way of falling down a mountain top hitting each jagged edge, cliff by cliff, until you hit the bottom four hours later – I decided to come up with ten things comparable to watching the 2009 Oscars.

1.) Find a bunch of rocks and start a collection.
2.) Name each rock in that collection, i.e. Pedro, Susan, Little Pedro, Big Susan, etc.
3.) Make your bed sixteen different ways. Take a picture of each said way. Post it on Facebook. Update your status.
4.) Planning your funeral.
5.) Trying to pet a pregnant raccoon.
6.) Hanging out with Dawson Leery (Douchebag from Dawson’s Creek.)
7.) Witnessing the birth of a Minotaur.
8.) Playing ‘The Legend of Zelda’ alone, in the mountains – where shit gets freaky.
9.) Hanging out with Joaquin Phoenix and Dawson Leery on a loveseat, in a studio apartment, on the 8th floor, with no elevator, stairs or exits – for eternity.
10.) Having a conjugal visit with a serial killer.