AFRICAN AMERICAN ARRESTED FOR BEING AFRICAN AMERICAN

AFRICAN AMERICAN ARRESTED FOR BEING AFRICAN AMERICAN

Written By Daniel Harris Baer

St. Paul, MN – An African American male, Duke Ellington III, was arrested Tuesday night and charged with being black inside the Xcel Energy Center during the Republican National Convention. Ellington, a John McCain supporter, is an elected delegate hailing from Florida.

“I came to support my nominee,” he said. “But before I could get to the Florida area of the arena – seventeen cops and Texans tackled me, tasered me and put me in handcuffs.”

Ellington, a High School Principal and father of three, is being held on a ten million dollar bail.

Quickly after being tackled, the three major news networks, MSNBC, CNN and Fox News obtained amateur footage of the incident.

The footage obtained shows Ellington walking down the aisle in the lower bowl of the arena posing no threat before he brutally gets accosted by members of the Republican Party security.

Said Bill O’Reilly of Fox News, “The black guy posed a huge threat to the events of the night. Judging from what I saw – he looked like he was getting ready to go on a pick-pocketing spree of the hard-working and honest people of the party.”

Ellington’s lawyer, Lionel Smith, is countering O’Reilly’s claims with proof that his client is a registered Republican delegate and had every right to be there to support his candidate.

O’Reilly responded, “I know black folks real well because I drive by the projects every day on my way to work. And that guy was not an elected Republican delegate. Jesus, we don’t allow black people to even be elected delegates. Wait – this better be off the record.”

Both MSNBC and CNN condemned the acts as racially motivated violence.

Unable to afford to post bail, Ellington remains behind bars in the St. Paul region as a high-risk terrorist threat.

“I just wanted to show the nation that an African-American can support a Republican,” Ellington said. “I didn’t realize that I’d be arrested for just being black.”

When notified about the incident, Governor of Alaska and Vice-Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin replied, “Racism is not a man-made problem. It’s a punishment from God and for those who do not follow the beliefs of creationism.”

Presidential Nominee John McCain refused to comment, but his campaign released the following statement: “The Maverick John McCain is an American Hero who was tortured in a prison camp for five years. That’s some straight talk for you!”

*This story is for entertainment only. The names are used for satirical purposes only.