The Maverick is Newest Viagra Spokesman

The Maverick is Newest Viagra Spokesman

Written by Daniel Harris Baer


NEW YORK CITY, NY – Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain has officially signed up to be the newest spokesman for Viagra.

At age 72, Senator John McCain has come under fire from numerous adult Web sites claiming he can no longer achieve an erection.

“At his age and lack of exercise – there is no way for him to get around the limp noodle,” said porn star Danny Lane. “It just doesn’t seem possible and I think it’s apparent from his temperament.”

And Danny Lane, most notably known for his Guinness Book of World Record of the longest known achieved erection of twenty-six hours, is not the only one questioning his bout with erectile dysfunction.

Questions’ surrounding Cindy McCain’s stint with depression and drug use stemming from the early 90’s has been linked to a lack of sex. Cindy McCain's addiction was outed when it was found she stole prescription drugs from a charity she directed and used them while mothering four young children.

All of this could have been avoided if John McCain was able to achieve an erection. Instead, he chose politics and his wife suffered.

Local black-market drug dealer, Darren McDouble, agreed that a little sex could have been deterrence from her addiction.

“I know bitches that don’t get the dick,” he said. “I got me some bitches that get mad at me when I drink a little too much of that Hennessey cognac and they get sad. Ho’s get mad.”

McDouble offered his services to McCain’s wife.

“If my shit could make her feel good – I’m all about it,” McDouble added. “She’s only a one-bagger in my book.”

After reports surrounding McCain’s signing with Viagra – GLADD spokesman Donald Suggs released a statement.

“Today is a day I wish I wasn’t gay,” Suggs said. “The thought of John McCain naked with those wrinkly balls makes me wish I liked women.”

Contrary to Suggs opinion, Viagra is extremely happy with today’s signing of their newest leading man.

“Viagra couldn’t picture a greater Maverick in American society to be featured on all of products. With John McCain able to achieve an erection after years of the inability to perform – this is a proud day to be an American.”

News of his use of Viagra was confirmed when John McCain switched parties and became a Democrat and flip-flopped and condemned the surge in Iraq.

“People should just get along,” McCain said. “Women should get equal pay, abortions should remain legal, the war in Iraq was wrong, we shouldn’t drill our natural resources, tax cuts for the middle class, a better energy policy to combat global warming and civil unions and marriages for same-sex couples should be legal immediately.”

*This is fictional and for entertainment purposes only.