People associate cold weather and dating

How come when it's cold outside, and I don't mean cold, I mean like I haven't felt my nuts in two weeks and my urine has frozen into ice pellets kind of cold, do people think they need to be in a relationship? It's just ridiculous. I walk around this city we call the "Big Apple" and I see all of these idiots holding hands and warming up to one another.

Crazy, huh? Who'd want to do that?

It's so much better walking by yourself - and looking at your moronic friends pondering how in Jewish Jesus Christ's name they can get laid. In fact, I almost enjoy going to bars just to see people strike out. This city has so many fuckwads walking around. I swear, New York City can be a great place for a self-esteem boost. I've seen guys begging for a kiss, pleading for a lay and boasting about a sick job they have in order to get a number.

I should teach these guys that most girls dig the loser (insert me...) My pickup line is as simple as, "Hi, I'm Daniel and I'm a failed journalist and a soon-to-be failed screenplay writer." Or - I usually tell the girl that she's way better looking than me. That almost worked one time.

And since on the topic of winter dating - I am going to state a few dating Web sites in order of patheticness.

J-Date

E-Harmony

Matchmaker

myspace

Jewish singles

The only cool dating Web site is Craigslist. You can get a hooker and date her. How great is that? And after you catch a disease - you can consult on the Craigslist forum on diseases. And after that - you can find a doctor on the same site. And after that - you can buy furniture.

Craigslist is great.

Speaking of the whole love thing - why would you want to date anyone if you have a computer? Honestly.

With pornography out there - you don't need a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Internet porn is free and caters to your specific type of girl/boy.

I don't really know what else to say on this subject except I hate couples and hope you pass on diseases to one another.

My next blog will be on...TOP TEN MANNEQUINS YOU'D WANT TO FUCK IN NYC.