Starbucks EQUALS STARFUCKS

The funny thing about the title of this blog is I'm sitting in a Starbucks right now writing this.

I'm a walking contradiction.

Part of the advantage of living in New York City is the overkill of coffee shops. However, in the overly pretentious area of New York City I live in we called the Upper East Side, ala, old money, Starbucks rules supreme.

Hence, why I'm writing in a Starbucks. I need somewhere to write. I can't sit in my apartment and get any sort of dialogue on paper, err, laptop. I live in a room with Craigslist furniture, a used bed, no dresser but I do have a Plasma television (which I'm still paying off...)

I will watch intelligence killer shows like "I love New York" or "Flav of Love" over and over. I am slowing retarding.

I should probably consider prostituting myself on Craigslist to pay off that fucking television. Or I will strip for women for $17 an hour (plus you'll receive a signed copy of my latest script...Which will probably decrease my hourly value.)

So I sit in this fake cafe' with men in suits conversing by phone with someone else about business or leisure. And I watch mothers forcing their children to sit, miserably, while they drink coffee and chat on a phone with a friend.

What happened to the point of a coffee shop? A coffee shop is a great place to sit and talk with friends, employees, anyone. Now a days, a coffee shop serves no real purpose. The CEO of Starbucks should consider making it an outdoor, wait in line, type of coffee stop, not shop.

Maybe I'm just jaded on the whole Starbucks phenomenon. I don't even like the coffee here. It tastes like dirt and smells like a burning soiled diaper.

It's truly amazing how a small coffee shop is becoming a dying breed because of Starfucks. The Bucks' baristas usually have no personality. They'll never remember you. They just try to rush you out as fast as you come in. There is always a line. And, if I order a drink with brown sugar - I have to go and bring it to them.

I hate you Starbucks. I hate you so much. I hate everything about you.

I am going to list the three BEST coffee shops in New York City.

Pick Me Up Cafe (Between 9th-10th St. Avenue A - East Village)
B-Cup Cafe (13th St. Avenue B - East Village)
Java Girl (66th St, 1st Avenue - Upper East Side)

Try one of those places out. I promise you'll have a better experience and better coffee over Starbucks. And you won't have to stare at some old sexless woman getting off on reading a Danielle Steele novel.